chapters,

'Cause you said, Everything would be alright; Why'd you lie.
	i wish you knew, how much things have changed, how much love i have for you, how much i want you with me. i just want to have you close, have you hug me close, honey, please stop lying. i love you, i really do.
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Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:36 AM chapter two, remember when.. - remember when we first met - i felt an indescribable affection, i knew it was you i'd love. talking to you made me smile. remember when we had our first conversation - you said you liked her, but was unsure. i didnt think i'd already fell for you, i gave you some advice, thought you how to talk to her, i stood by you when you needed me, regardless whether i was hurt or not. i guess you didnt realise, how envious i was of her. remember when you said you'd forget her - i asked if you were sure. you said you were. i took your word for it, how dumb of me. remember when i said i liked you - you thought i was kidding. when you realised i wasnt, i sensed your dilema. you didnt know who you wanted. you didnt know how to say no. you thought things'd work out. you gave in, i was so naive then. remember when we first held hands - i fully gave you my heart, i loved you like no other. you were my happy pill. remember when you said you'd make us more than just amazing - i smiled like a fool to myself, that warm, fuzzy feeling was overwhelming. were you lying? if you were, it was a great pretense. i instantly fell for it. like i sold my soul to you for love. remember when you bought me cookies cause i said i felt like it - i told myself, i have the greatest boyfriend in the world, and im going to cherish him like no one else will. i told the world how much i loved you. remember when we first kissed - i got addicted like your kiss was cocaine, i promised myself never to let you down, never to go back to fighting, never to go back to the way i was before. i changed my life, for you. but did you care? did you know? remember when you said you were sorry for the way things affected me then - you were lying, werent you. you werent sure of yourself either. i thought of the many possibilities, regardless of how negative they were. i realised, you'd probably have gone back to her. you loved her more. i cried myself to sleep. the first time i cried so hard, for the man i loved so deeply. i wept till i was drained, and fell asleep. remember when we had long periods of silence - there were people out there, out to harm you, because my friends had provoked them, and i was their leader. i was alone. i fought for you, did you realise your life was in danger? what were you doing whilst i took blow after blow for you. watching tv? hanging out? did you realise how much it hurt everytime you touched me, how much it hurt when you hugged me, or poked me. i kept silent, not wanting you to worry or find out. i just wanted you close to me, for fear i'd lose you too soon. you weren't there for me when i needed you most, it hurt so much more emotionally than physically. remember when you said you didnt love me anymore - it was the end, i didnt know how to feel, i felt angry, because you'd cheated on me. sad, because i'd loved someone so deeply, but he didnt love me back. i loved you so deeply, i was willing to lose my life for you. would you have done the same for me? maybe to you, im just a small girl who doesnt know anything. but this small girl here, has done what she may never do for you. she risked her life, for you. she bled, for you. she loved you so much, but you hurt her so deep. this xiao mei mei here, has done more than you think she has. i cried for hours on end. till my tears were dried up. - all i ask for, is for you, to tell me in my face, that you dont love me anymore, and that you'll never come back. a literal explaination isnt enough. because im not going to believe it. or maybe you just have no guts to tell me. i can obviously tell you love her more, much more. and im not going to be able to do anything. i just want to see you one more time, to tell i love you, and that i always will. you're the first to leave me hurt this bad, but i doubt you'll realise. i doubt you'll even read this. even if you do, what'd you do about it?